The Bible verse, “For where two or three gather in my name, I am with them” (Matthew 18:20) hangs as decor on my dining room wall. I chose it because I wanted to convey the meaning that whenever my family gathers around the dinner table, God is with us. And while it is true that God is with his believers when they gather, I readily admit that I have taken this verse out of context. In fact, Matthew 18:20 is sandwiched between verses talking about Christian conflict. It’s easy to “cherry-pick” Bible verses and twist their meaning to fit a modern-day philosophy. The negative results of this “cherry-picking” can range from minimal to detrimental. When applying scripture to modern-day life, it’s vital to understand the context of the scripture passage so that it’s not misconstrued. Understanding the biblical context is the first step in appropriately applying scriptures to daily life. Answering questions like who wrote the book, what was the demographic of the original audience, what is the literary style of writing (poem, narrative, letter, etc.), and what was happening during that time in history is paramount to understanding the original meaning of a scripture passage. Remember, the Bible is written for us, but it wasn’t written to us.
Ephesians 5:22-24 are verses that can easily be taken out of context. Too often throughout history, this scripture passage has been used to make women subordinate in very unloving, unbiblical ways. So, what does it mean when Ephesians 5:22 (NIV) says, “Wives submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord?” To understand the meaning of the verse, we first must look at the letter to the Ephesians in its context. When approaching any passage of Scripture, it’s important to read the entire book or at least a whole section to understand the tone and purpose of the book. Again, you don’t want to “cherry-pick” verses to make them fit a particular modern-day argument. When applying Ephesians 5:22-24, first read the entire letter to the Ephesians and determine the main idea and theme Paul is communicating. To increase your background knowledge, consult a study Bible or a Bible dictionary to answer basic questions such as “who, what, when, where, and why”.
I used the IVP Bible Background Commentary: New Testament by Craig Keener to find answers to some of the contextual questions of Ephesians. According to Keener, during the time Paul’s letter was written, women living in Ephesus had very few rights. They were considered “minors” and submitting to a husband’s demand with a quiet and meek demeanor was common practice. 1 Women living in Ephesus were not equal to men, so “submitting” to your husband was how household functioned. Next, if you look at verse 21, you see that Paul has started his direction by saying, “Submit to one another out of reverence to the Lord.” He begins instruction with mutual submission, a very counter-cultural statement to the church in Ephesus. As you continue to read Ephesians 5, you will notice Paul commanding men in the Ephesian Church to view their wives as equals, instructing them to love their wives more than their own lives.
The Bible doesn’t contradict itself, so Paul’s direction for mutual submission and love can be found throughout the entire Bible. The very beginning chapters of Genesis, (Genesis 1:27 and 2:23-23) clearly state that both men and women were created in the image of God and for the benefit of one another. Their mutual relationship honors God. In the New Testament, Paul often mentions Christian women in his writings, bringing attention to their vital contribution in furthering the Gospel (see Philippians 4:3, Romans 16). When studying Jesus’s life and ministry, the Gospels record him healing, interacting, teaching, and receiving care and funding from women. Contrary to the culture he lived in, Jesus did not view women as second-class citizens, and he didn’t treat them as inferior to men.
So, now that we know that there is a call to mutual submission, and women in the first-century church were not viewed as second-class citizens but rather vital contributors to God’s kingdom, we turn our attention to the meaning of the word submit. “The closest Paul comes to specifically defining submission in these verses is “respect” (v.33). 2 The prepositional phrase “in everything” found in verse 24 should not be taken absolutely, since a wife should not submit to her husband in matters that are sinful, harmful, or contrary to God’s commands. 3 It’s worth mentioning that abuse is never okay in a marriage or in any relationship. Submitting and respecting your husband does not mean enduring physical, emotional, and/or spiritual trauma.
As Americans, we see the word “submission” as a weakness, but the idea that the weaker person is the one who must submit is not biblical. When reading Ephesian 5:21-33, notice that Paul begins with the word submission and ends the idea with the word respect. Submission and respect are closely linked. According to Strong’s Concordance of the Bible, the literal translation of the word “submit” in Ephesians 5:22 is, “to be subject to one’s own.” 4 So, literally Ephesians 5:22 reads, “Wives be subject to your own husbands.” Women are not obligated to submit to every man. Paul is specifically talking about husbands and wives. It’s also important to note that the sentence is not a command because it contains no imperative in the original Greek. 5 Here, Paul is calling for a wife’s voluntary submission, not forced obedience. Again, it’s best to let the Bible interpret itself. Jesus gives us the perfect example of submission. Throughout the New Testament, we are told that Jesus Christ submits to God the Father (John 6:38, John 12:50, Matthew 26:36-36, Philippians 2:8). Christ submitted to the Father, not out of weakness or as a subordinate, but as an equal partner. Jesus is not a lesser being than God. Jesus Christ is God. The doctrine of the Trinity clearly states that each person of the Trinity (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) is fully God. Through the Trinity, we are given the example of equal parties approaching a mission (redemption of creation) with a common goal and an unwavering commitment. So, when we read in Ephesians that a wife should be subject to her own husband, this submission comes voluntarily from love, respect, trust, and an unwavering commitment to a common goal. A wife does not submit because she is the weaker partner, but because she is an equal partner who shares a common goal(s) with her husband. A husband and wife are a united team. There should be mutual trust and purpose between husband and wife like there is mutual trust and purpose between God the Father, Jesus Christ the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.
Now we know that neither man nor woman is equal to God. When Paul equates the husband to Christ in Ephesians 5:23, we must understand it as a metaphor. The wife is not commanded to treat the husband like a god, and the husband does not make his wife holy. It’s also worth noting that Paul’s words for husbands “to love their wives” (5:25) is a command (imperative) sentence in Greek. Unlike submission, which is voluntary in 5:22, a husband is commanded to love his wife. This would be a radical statement to the Ephesian man. Although romantic love existed in ancient marriages, the greater responsibility of a husband was to rule his household and control his wife. 6 Paul is flipping the script for husbands in Ephesus, commanding them to love their wives to the point of self-sacrifice.
So, now that our contextual information has informed us that submission does not mean inferiority in marriage, how can a modern Christian woman “submit” to her own husband? First, a Christian marriage, like all Christian relationships, should reflect love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 defines love in very tangible ways. A woman submits to her husband when she is patient, kind, generous (opposite of envy), humble, and forgiving. This kind of selfless love is a character trait for all Christ-followers, male and female. Paul discusses selfless and holy living throughout the book of Ephesians and the life of Christ exemplifies self-sacrifice. We are to mimic Jesus’s actions by loving God and loving others.
Next, submission means a wife trusts her husband and develops intimacy with him. When reading the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John), have you ever noticed how much time Jesus spends with God the Father? Jesus was intimately connected to the Father in both thought and spirit. There is never any doubt that mutual love exists between Jesus Christ and God the Father. Jesus trusts God the Father because they share the same heart. The Gospels often tell us of Jesus praying alone, spending time with his heavenly father. In the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus pours out his fears and desires to the Father. Similarly, wives who submit to their husbands speak truth, share common goals, and make their husband a priority. A husband and a wife should be intimately connected in thought and spirit. For a relationship to thrive, husbands and wives need to make time for one another. There should be consistent, intentional time devoted to one another so that the couple can be a united front, living out the Gospel, fighting for one another and their family. Wives, ask yourself, “Do I share what’s on my heart and mind with my husband?” Am I honest with him about what I’m feeling and thinking?” Do I admit when I am wrong? Do I ask for forgiveness? Am I patient and kind? Do I encourage my husband to share his life with me? When I speak about my husband to others, are my words about him uplifting? Do I trust my husband? Do I respect my husband? Trust, intimacy, respect, and love in a marriage mean creating a relationship where vulnerability is sacred, expected, and protected.
Finally, submission in marriage means sometimes the wife must yield to her husband. There are times in life when you must trust your husband and follow his lead. But, if the marriage relationship is built on love, trust, respect, and intimacy, the wife can have confidence that her husband is leading with a self-sacrificing love.
The biblical idea of submission does not mean inferiority or subordination, but it’s also not an idea that can be ignored. Submission is a command for everyone, not just women. But in marriage relationships, women are to voluntarily submit and actively participate in the marriage. Marriage is a powerful way to display the character of Christ and the intimate relationship that exists between the Trinity. Marriage relationships are a natural place for love, intimacy, respect, and trust to grow and thrive. God is honored when marriages reflect love and respect. As modern people, our context looks very different from ancient Ephesus. As Christ-followers, however, we still hold to the teachings of the Bible that transcend time and culture. Christians must always love God and love people. Marriage displays godly love when it exemplifies trust, intimacy, respect, and unselfish commitment to each other and to God.
Lynn H. Cohick, The New International Commentary on the New Testament: The Letter to the Ephesians: (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2020), 352.
Craig S. Keener, The IVP Bible Background Commentary: New Testament (Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 2014), 552.
Cohicks, 358-359.
"G2398 - idios - Strong's Greek Lexicon (esv)." Blue Letter Bible. Accessed 30 Aug, 2024. https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g2398/esv/mgnt/0-1/.
Cohicks, 352.
Keener, 552.
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